New Agent? Turn Self-Doubt Into Self-Confidence

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I'm Jennifer Myers, Founder of Agent Grad School and host of Confessions of a Top Producing Real Estate Agent, The Agent Grad School Podcast.  My goal for each episode is to give you actionable steps you can implement today to grow your real estate business.

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When I first became an agent, I was in total shock at how hard it was to learn everything you needed to know to do a good job for your clients. And then when I finally felt “ready,” trying to get clients was harder than I ever imagined!  

Talk about a confidence nosedive.  

Thoughts like, “I’m not sure I’m cut out for this” and “why is this so hard” and “what am I going to do to get a client and pay my bills” were constantly floating around in my head.  

It felt terrible.  

Being a real estate agent looked so rosy and easy on the outside, and then reality hit and the constant doubt and rejection felt too much to bear.

But, here’s the thing—there is no way to be a successful real estate agent when your mind is full of self-doubt.  

You can’t possibly get clients to want to work with you or service clients successfully if you allow yourself to sit in that place of negative self-talk.

So, how do you turn feelings of constant self-doubt into being so fully confident that anything that comes your way, you know you’ll be okay? 

By doing two things:

  1. Taking imperfect action 
  2. Being willing to fail until you succeed, if that is what it takes

So many agents I talk to talk themselves out of the life and business they want if things don’t go the way they thought they would at first.

But, instead, if you are willing to move forward even though you might fail and you are willing to get back up and try again when you do fail, you EARN confidence.

Even though failing feels like torture, if you are open to it, each failure can be a stepping stone to more competence, which leads to more confidence.

Talking about failure and rejection requires a lot of self-reflection and honesty and that’s why I appreciate today’s podcast guest, Amy, for sharing her story.  

Amy, one of our AGS students has been a real estate agent since 2005. You’ll hear about her evolution from an agent who couldn’t even get the balloons right at an open house (I can relate!) to becoming a top-producer in a crowded DC housing market.

Both Amy and I can laugh now at the times we were mortified or felt two inches tall when either leading potential clients in the wrong direction for a showing or writing up our first contract with the wrong name!

But we both learned that by showing up, by being willing to be uncomfortable, and by being willing to try again and again and make mistakes every step of the way – there was always something to learn each time that helped us make our businesses better.

Thats why I hope you listen to our candid conversation today. It will not only encourage you but also show you that youre not alone and that there are several ways you can create confidence.  

Here’s what you’ll get out of today’s podcast:

  • What to tell yourself when you feel like a failure that will help you pick yourself back up and try again;
  • What to focus on that acts like shield to help you not lose confidence in yourself; 
  • How to continue to take action even if you’re uncomfortable; and
  • The one mantra you need to gain confidence in the face of rejection.

No matter where you are with your confidence level, todays episode will offer you insights to increase your level of confidence and hopefully remind you that failing is just part of the process of succeeding. 

Don’t give up on what you want your one precious life to look like. 

Be willing to fail every step of the way until you get exactly what you want if that is what it takes.  You absolutely can have the life and real estate business you’ve always wanted. 

You just can’t give up on it too soon.  ❤️

To your success,


Episode Transcript

On today’s episode, we’re going to talk about confidence and especially because most of my listeners are newer agents and the thought of having to do all of these things that you’re New at sometimes can be a real confidence downer. So I’ve brought in a guest or that you guys have heard about before and week. And one thing I love about watching Amy is every year she constantly is building her confidence, which changes her business over and over and over again. So I brought her on, how are you Amy? Hey, How’s it going. And we just want to have a conversation about confidence and what to expect as your business grows from kinda the minute after you take your test. And you’re like, now, what do I do? How do I get clients too, being a top producer at this point, Amy is a top producing agent, not only in her brokerage, but also in the marketplace is a very crowded marketplace that she works in, in Washington DC. And so what that evolution of confidence had to be to go from struggling as an agent to top producer and kinda what that looks like in how your business transforms along the way as you build your confidence. So thanks for being here again, Amy, it’s been months since you’ve been on the show, so thank you. Thanks for having me. I’m looking forward to it. Let’s talk about what it feels like to be a new agent and you know what to expect, because I think a lot of times, I don’t know about you, Amy, but when I became a real estate agent, I had a high confidence in the beginning like that, that I quit my job and that I decided to become a real estate agent and I passed my exam. My confidence was quite high. I was like, okay, this is going to be great. I’m going to have all this money and all of the time, that was freedom. And as you guys well know that this is not what happened. And along the way, my confidence, you know, plummeted felt worthless, but terrible, which obviously is not going to equate into a very good business. And it was a moment like that. I would be started to become confident in myself. And we’ll talk about how I find about my confidence, but let’s talk about at the beginning, like Amy, what was your experience at the beginning, right? When you became a real estate agent, can we talk about where you were from a confidence standpoint? Yeah. I mean, I think there is; I can relate to that in the sense that like, you know, you come off of all of this education, right? So you’re like, I know it at all. I got it like your full of education. And that’s how I felt like I know all the rules, the regulations, the things that I can do not do. Like, you know, I really wasn’t thinking about how I’m going to get clients and the marketing piece and money and all of the important parts. I was just like, I know I am a licensed realtor in my state now I know all of this information. So I did feel confident about that. I wasn’t, as probably confident as you were about how it was going to go, I was, ah, you know what, that’s definitely how I am. Anyway. I’m a little like, Oh my gosh, what’s going to happen and stuff. But I did have confidence that I knew a lot that I thought I knew a lot. And I remember I said to someone, what would I do now? And they were like, well, you have your license at a brokerage. And I’m like, okay, well, which one? And they’re like, well, you pick one. And I was like, okay. So how do I pick one? They’re like, just go talk to a bunch of people, whoever you like best that’s where you go. And like, whoever has the best deal, like for money. And I’m like, okay, so this is kinda what I did really like, almost like the equivalent of like a Google search, like, or like when my dating, Oh, this one looks good. Right. Looks so good. And they’re giving a decent split and I’ll get some education and it’s close to my house. Okay. That sounds good. Type things. That was literally how I made the decision. It sounds terrible, but it’s true. And I remember like getting a piece of paper, talking about how much money the agents made and it seemed like an, a crazy amount. And like, that was the average amount. And I’m like, wow, I’m going to be rich soon. You know? And I signed my papers and I got like all of that administrative stuff and I walked out and then I’m like, well, now I know what, like that was it. Like my broker wasn’t like, and here’s, and I was just kind of overwhelmed. Like, I mean, I don’t know what to do. I literally didn’t know what to do. I had the credentials and I had all my ducks in a row like that, but I didn’t know anything else. Like, no one besides like, I mean, I had been told like a sphere of influence, you know, and like start getting names together, which, you know, I had some basic stuff, but actually talk to anybody or a client. Right. And for me the same exact story. So, and I think that’s the same story of most new go through, but I don’t know about for you, but for me very soon thereafter, I’ve started like a little bit flailing because I realized that it was a, like harder than I thought it was going to be. I know for me, I kept feeling like, Oh my gosh, I don’t know what I’m doing. And so slowly but surely, I felt like my confidence took a nose dive and I can remember just being so, and it’s maybe because I’m an introvert, I don’t know. Or I’m Sue and I’m also super shy, but even like going into the, to the office and being around agents or going to trainings and like showing up places or having to do open houses for other agents or anything like that for me was constantly feeling like, I don’t know what I’m doing. And then like, because I started realizing, I didn’t know what I was doing. I felt like my confidence was like plummeting over and over and over again. I don’t know. What was your experience after, after that? I felt like when I would go into the office, if people were saying, you know, my mom was giving some suggestions, you know, go into the office to meet people like interact. And I’m like, okay, I’m going to do that. I’m going to be like, you know, you have to talk with people and learn from other people. So I would do that. I would try to go in and talk to people and my particular experience. So it was like folks were in a super forthcoming and help and helpful. They were like, do you want to do an open house? Great, like show up here and bring some balloons. And I’m like, okay, if that was really, you know, it wasn’t like, and I remember I would ask questions and wouldn’t really get a lot of help. I just, so I became, yeah, despondent. I was kind of like, this is not a real, I don’t know. I don’t know what to do. And I would go home and I would just be alone. And then that was, you know, and this was before the internet was what it was today. So it was really even more isolating. I felt like, because I felt like nobody wants to tell me anything because I’ll be competition at some point or something that everybody’s fighting to get this. So I’m going to have to figure all this stuff out on my own. And so I was like, okay, I guess I’ll just do that. I’ll figure it out on my own. And I’ll start with doing open houses in bulletin and balloons. You know, I don’t know if you ever had to use that machine, that you have the helium machine. I still remember it. Oh my God. Even though it took me like forever to talk about confidence, there are days I leave the office, like to an hour of that. I’m like, I only three balloons, I need 10. I can only get three, you know? And I remember being like, I’m just going to quit. I’m going to quit. I can’t even get the balloons. Right. You know? And I couldn’t remember. I still remember writing my first offer, which was like abysmal. And like, I think that’s a big thing. Like getting to the point where you are writing your first offer is scary like, am I going to mess this up? I don’t know how to like, write the contract. I’ve never been so embarrassed to, like, I went to my broker at the time and was like, what do I like, what boxes do I check? How do I do this? And I was like, mortified with her telling me like, how, you know, I just like, knew zero. And I feel like as an adult person who like, was successful at a job and like has an advanced degree and like all these things to then have to go back to like, literally know nothing. Cause none of that transfers when you’re writing a real estate contract. Right. Right. And just having to like show up and not be willing, like to, I think one thing that like, it’s like, I just felt like I had to keep showing up. And even though I was so embarrassed that I knew nothing and I totally bombed the contract and I had to call the client and re-do it with them, which was so embarrassing. And then I could still remember submitting the contract. And I’m thinking of was multiple offers and I didn’t get it. And that the agent on the other side said something like, do you want, you know, you’re not supposed to like, you know, there’s all these little things that like in real estate that nobody really tells you to do or not do. But you just, like, I had sent my buyer agency agreement with my offer, and now I know that you don’t do that. But like when you’re writing your first offering, you don’t know anything. My broker said, I need this. I’m thinking I have to send it. So the agent was on the other line, like, yeah, you didn’t get it. And do you want me to send you back your buyer broker agreement? Because he was just like, mean about it. Right. And I’ll literally can still remember to the day when I was standing, how terrible I felt, how horrible I was. Like, I literally sucked everything that there is to suck at; I was a terrible right. And I mean, I feel like the worst person on the planet and you can go down the rabbit. And for me, I decided that that moment, like I’m going to continue to be uncomfortable because I really decided to things to gain. Confidence one I’m going to have to, I decided to continue to do all these things. Cause I survived. Like I felt so terrible, but yet I was still alive and I survived. Like I know it feels like you’re like dying of embarrassment, but like I did it right. And like, now I know how to write a contract. Now I know whether it was good or bad or not to submit a buyer agent. So your agreement with my offer. And so I took those little tiny, embarrassing, terrible moments that made my confidence plummet. And I said, okay, I learn something from this. And then for me, the two things I always turn to whenever I feel like I’m flailing or I’m out of my element or I don’t have confidence, I turn to, what can I learn from this experience? And I also turn to education. So that’s the moment for me when I was like, okay, I got to find a way to feel more educated about how to do this. And so I went to like every class and every seminar inside of the real estate industry, outside the industry or anything that anybody was teaching about real estate, I was there for sure, like drove, like to go to like Tyson’s corner. Is there anything, you know, where that is? But like 30 miles out of the city where I live traffic that takes like two hours, I was here in the front row or learning for free ’cause. At that time they would get like free seminars and stuff like that. And that is how I built my confidence being willing to be uncomfortable over and over and over again. And instead of feeling upset, of quitting, picking myself up and saying, what can I learn from this? And then trying to learn more things, the education, those are the two things that turned it around for me. But I don’t know about you. Where were you? What’s your journey because you would, I don’t know if you, when you came to me, you weren’t very confident at all. So how do, how did that happen? Yeah, well, no, I wasn’t confident. And I was like, kind of like, I want to give them a plug for the free things that real estate does offer. If you’re a part of like an association that is a great strategy to really just dive into that and to educate yourself for me, I was uncomfortable, but you know, I really wanted to learn and I had been uncomfortable a lot. I had a little, I have had some success, you know, I sold new home sales for a while. And I remember when I first got my first client and I called my broker and I said, So yeah. I wonder if you want to sit down and teach me how to do this contract. He’s like, Oh, I’m not going to do that. You just go ahead and say, Oh no, no, we don’t do that. You just, I mean, you are licensed, you just ride it out. And I remember that I put the seller’s name, where the buyer went and I know you’re, you’re the declarant, and we are, the buyers would be like, Oh, that’s right, your right, I wanted to crawl under a chair. But you know, that person was fine. Was lovely. They didn’t kill me. They didn’t cuss me out. They just gently told me that I was incorrect, you know, and I hated it of course, and felt embarrassed, but I lived through it. And the great thing you were talking about, the great thing about the mistakes is you have so much for the mistakes because the feeling is so bad, the worst that you just don’t forget that again, it’s like a bad that you’re like, you just like, you never want to feel that way. So you always remember like these mistakes just like help you so much because you’re like, well, I’m not gonna do that again. You know? So I don’t want to feel like two inches tall, especially in a day is a humbling business because a lot of us do come in here with like multiple degrees and past like jobs and careers. And so we’re like, well, we know things, you know. Right. And then right here, and we don’t know a lot’s of things. So many things we don’t no, you know, and that’s the worst feeling that goes some that there is some credence to that, but at some point there, or just things you don’t know, there’s so many things that are demanded of us as agents and There, which is what I really also love about this job. Right. You’re never there. You’re never like I’ve achieved at all right. Every day is a little bit different everyday. You are learning something like whether it’s helpful or not. And some days you don’t want to learn anymore. Cause you’re tired, but you know, is certainly not a nine to five, same thing. Every day experience is just not that confidence when I came to you and that was like, you are, it’s the same thing that you did. Like I was looking for someone who did have what I wanted to achieve and I felt you, I think were looking for someone who wanted to learn. And so that’s, that’s where I started. And here’s what I love about you from that moment on when I met you was I think, and I think this is a huge separator between specifically in real estate. But I think in anything is you were willing to like be, even though you don’t know what you were doing, you were willing to give it a shot and you were willing to screw up a little bit and mess up. And then you were willing to look at what, like you could have done better the next time. And then you did it again and you got incrementally better every single time. And most people that I’ve got in contact with the inside and outside of the real estate world, they will stop if they fail the first three times. Can you talk about how like a, from a confidence standpoint, like it’s almost like we have to be willing to do things that we don’t know how to do, which is super, super scary. And we have to be willing to fail at them and do it again and again. And then when we start getting better at it, that’s when our confidence, that’s how we confidence, we don’t get caught from trying something once. Right. Can you talk a little bit about like how you kept at it and how maybe, I don’t know. You tell me is just my observation of you. Every time you got a little bit better and every time your confidence got better and better, and therefore you got better and better at initial consultation or something. Yeah. I mean, I had to be knocked out and like, you know, I had to go through a lot before, as I building confidence, you know, I remember it being in a neighborhood and I was not as familiar with this neighborhood and that there was a new client and that had been referred to me. I was hoping to make sure that as a client and we were walking to an address and I’m like, no, it’s this way. And the girls like literally it is not that way, you’re going the wrong way. And then I was like, Oh, Oh, my phone must be wrong. And I’m like, feeling already, like, I don’t really know this neighborhood. Now. She knows, I don’t know this neighborhood now she’s going to dump me. And she did, she was with her friend, like this girl doesn’t know anything, whether that was true or not, I was going to the wrong direction, you know, and it’s just like, you walk away from those days and you get this nice email, like, thanks so much to decide to go to the other. Agent like, you’re like, well, yeah, I was rocking the wrong way. You know, they, you know, you’re wrong, you know? And the neighborhood that, like I had talked about that I thought I knew fairly well. And it was really obvious that I didn’t and you know, you’ve come home to nearly, I’m a failure. I mean, I remember talking to you, what am I going to, where to meet this client? And I were the wrong thing, but I see the wrong thing with my hair or the wrong way. Or did I show up shop? You know, did I, did they not? Like, I don’t know, like whatever a, you know, and that was one thing that did help though. It was like, I never blamed the clients. I never said like, Oh, this person’s a jerk or what have you. And I was just always like, okay, well, what can I do? What, what could I have possibly done better or worse? And that’s how I kept like, building that confidence. But it was tough. I mean, I remember getting into my car in many, a nights and being like, I don’t think that person’s going to call me in they didn’t or, or somebody else or, you know, and I had given it, my all I had gone in and given it my all, and that was, that’s a really hard when you can leave your office, it’s not enough for, and you know, when you’re in it, you know, for a while it was, and this was like, no one, no one wants me to be their Agent. I’m like, no one in Washington, DC, Metro area will ever hire me. You know, because you have these times the cycles where it just seems like things aren’t going in your favor or they’re just not. And you go out to just push through that and we’ll get your side and say, well, okay, what could I have done better? And sometimes maybe you’re like, they just didn’t, we didn’t click. Or they really can tell that I didn’t know this particular neighborhood in McLean, which they were probably right. Maybe I wasn’t the right person for them. You know, I had to take a look at myself and then over time I got better and I started getting more clients and going out more, getting more familiar with neighborhoods and the process and all of the things that I’m building my confidence, but it couldn’t happen. Until unless I had gotten all of the turndowns, like, you know what I mean? I couldn’t, and you can’t get to that confidence is just naturally because you know, some people. I mean, I feel like there are people in this world like that are, that are, that may be like hen, but for the majority of people, and I don’t know, I can only teach my experience that I can only share my own experience, but mine was like, it was trudge through misery and terrible emotions over and over and over again, and feeling like a failure over and over again. But it was only by being willing to do that, that I get that, you know, I’ll speak for myself. Like I felt like I got a tiny bit better every time. And that then built my confidence so that like, I was like, okay, well, I’m going to probably not get this client either, but I’m going to learn something from it. I’m going to get that much better. And then, because I got that much better. Oh, of a sudden I got more confidence. And then my competence became unwell wavering. And that I felt like I know exactly what I was doing and what my boundaries were. Can we talk a little bit about like, what happened for you? And then I’ll share mine, but like what started happening for you when you started to feel like your, your confidence kind of leveled out in a way that you felt like I got this? Like, how did your business change? How did your thoughts change? What kind of happened as your competence evolved over time after that like terrible period. Yeah. I mean, you know, you go through all of that and you use that, you look back, and you assess, and you say, what can I do different? And sometimes they’re things to do differently. Sometimes there aren’t, but you keep going, right. You go to the next client and the next client. And they knew that I had, I knew that I hadn’t experienced in value to share it. Right. And they knew that, like, it wasn’t always gonna land with every single person every single time. But I knew that like, if I kept at it, like I was going to, I was going to find my niche. I was going to find people that like, were like, yes, I need what I need, what you have, like, you know, I need your services. And I started to do that. And this, you will start to work for other people. And those people were very happy. And, you know, I took every kind of, like you were saying with the education, I took every opportunity to increase my knowledge base and my experience base. So that meant going to open houses where I didn’t pick up any clients, but I learned everything about like those particular houses or that particular market or the people that might be coming there that always in my mind, prepping myself to work for the next like level, like, okay, I’m not here selling this 800,000 million dollar house in this neighborhood, but I’m going to be here Sunday. So I need to know who these people are, what these houses are like. And that’s why open houses became a very bad, is it a very valuable, you know, in my mind, I’m always thinking, well, I want to be here. So let me, let me, you know, let me put myself in the middle of these places. So I think like I was building confidence cause I was constantly like taking data in just like you said, educating yourself, but I was doing it in an open houses and, and helping other agents. And, you know, do you want to go do a show? And just from one sure. You know, and building that confidence in being around people, in being out and like, you know, messing up and messing up and being alive, you know, like, Oh, I didn’t die. Right? Yeah. They didn’t die. So I think I can do this again. Yeah. And they, you know, like, and like the whole, like there wasn’t enough. I was always in my mind, like there’s going to be in a national news cast that I like said something wrong today, way too much emphasis and worry about myself and, and that, but it got me to get better. So over time that, you know, I was getting clients and I was getting referrals and I, you know, this is proof to me and testimonials that people were like saying really great things about me. And I felt, you know, my confidence kept building and building and building, and it wasn’t making as many mistakes as you want to call them. And it was gaining a lot of knowledge. And I was feeling confident about being able to walk in front of a client and have a process and then have data out of my own to say, well, here’s the things that I’ve done in here or the things that I can point too, you know, it’s hard in the beginning when you’re a new agent and you don’t have anything to point to. I think that’s the hardest time. Right? Yeah. I was just thinking that, like, how does How experience, in my opinion, a lot of it’s like experience gets you confidence, but how do you get confidence enough to get experience? And I it’s like a catch 22. And I think the past to, to that is a failure. Every step of the way, just failing, picking back up, failing, picking back up. I think so often we feel like if we don’t get something, the results that we want the very first or third or fourth time or 10th time, we do something like that. It’s not gonna work for me or whatever that is. So for example, like oftentimes I thought like maybe I’m just not cut out to be a real estate agent or, you know, maybe I’m just not good enough to get a listing. Cause I want on so many listing appointments at the beginning and never got a listing point, never got a client. I don’t know how I got appointments, but I mean, my expectation eventually was like, I’m not gonna get this, you know, until they got the first one that I was like, ah, and then I felt miserably at it and I got fired the first time I had a list of all of it. Right. So it’s like the way to the, the stepping stones to experience is failure. The stepping stones to competence is failure. And then you gain experience and then be out of that comes confidence. I think oftentimes we, like, we like think we need confidence to, to take an action is actually the opposite. Taking the action creates the confidence. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. I always, I have a friend going through a personal issue that’s different than real estate, but it’s the same in the sense that I tell her all the time, like go walk exactly to where it is, where the most uncomfortable spaces go in that direction. And she’s like, well, no, like I don’t want to go that way. It’s like uncomfortable. And I, you know, and, and, and painful and I’m like, go there. That’s where you need to go. Like, you don’t have to go in the faster you get there. Like then the faster you, you know, you’ve got to be like, I just remember getting out of my car and going to how many being like, okay. And like really like erasing my brain every time, like giving myself these pep talks and like erasing that quote unquote failure or in the past, and be like really focusing on that person. What is their need? Why am I here for them? How can I be helpful? Like keep myself in that mindset for that one person. Right? Like that really helps a lot too, because if I allow these thoughts to come in my head while I feel five times now, and every time I go to the Starbucks, nobody takes me, you know, or whenever I had to really get out of my car and be like, okay, I’m meeting Laura today. I know that Laura is looking to buy her first home and I’m excited to see her and I’m going to get my coffee. And, you know, there’s all these uncomfortable moments where you’re like first meeting someone and all of these things, it’s uncomfortable. You don’t know that this person, except for in an email, they don’t know you and they’re making this huge life decision. And so I tried, so I would, every time prep myself in the beginning like this, and then it would work and I would be like worked, you know? And then I’d just build on what worked every time something worked. I would just build on that, in that competition. It’s like a building block. It’s like, okay, another way or another piece that to build that confidence up. And as I’m thinking about is the one thing that helped me as I was building my confidence, like midway through my kind of success journey for me was having, was always depending on a process. So for example, for me, I kept failing at initial consultations until I made the initial consultation, not about me and not about them, but it was about the process that I use to help people buy their first home. That was my niche. And so what I did in, and I’m only thinking about this as we’re talking, when I created things that are then the rejection, did you feel so bad? Because it wasn’t about me. It was about like a process. And so that was one thing. And that’s how, you know, as you well know, Agent, Grad School and all the processes that I teach inside of there came to be, because I was trying to separate like this feeling of failure and saying like, it’s not about you liking me, like, cause you know, like I don’t want it to be about my personality and are we a personality fit? I wanted it to be about like educating them on the process that you used and is the process something that you want to buy into or not. But that was another way along the way. Once I had some experience that I can create a process, then I realized, okay. And once I, then I could, then I could like focus on the process and not focus on me or not focused on them or not focus on our relationship. I focus on the process. So I think that’s a really important for real estate agents to hear is like, eventually you need to focus on something other than you or them. What do you do? That’s different from everybody else. And once you figure out what that is, that is also a place that you can gain some confidence along the way, having the app. For sure. You know, my big advice is definitely have something in hand and some sort of process feel that you’re going to give so that it gives you your driving, the meaning, right. You are you’re in control, but you make them feel if they’re in control because you are talking about the process to help them write. And they’re nervous too. So they want someone to really be in that driver’s seat and because they don’t know. And you’re the expert, even if you don’t feel like the expert inside. So always having, like, I had documents with me to explain how my process worked. I had like, I have a client information sheet that like was always a good icebreaker. Like, Hey, do you mind if I were to send information down, like to take notes and that kind of stuff. And just to like, So so it’s more yeah. More process oriented, like you said, and not about like, well, I don’t like what you had on today. Or like whatever type thing, which made it less yeah. Less damaging when they were like, Oh, I’m going to go with my brothers, sisters who live somewhere else to, to represent me, you know? But once it starts working and you see it, then the confidence really starts to build. And that’s where the momentum I think starts. But you have to get through all of that. I had to get through all of that uncomfortableness. Maybe there are people who are better at a fake it till you make it a thing. But for me it was a series of a feeling like a failure. Now I knew, like I knew that I did well, I didn’t know that I wasn’t a failure. I, you know, but I was going to keep trying, you know, as part of the like, maybe like you, maybe I’m can’t do this. Maybe I am a failure, you know, this is all of those thoughts, but I get up and I do it again, do it again, do it again. And I was getting better and I was building, gaining experience. Yeah. And for me also what starting to happen, it was like I would gain experience. And I think this is something else to kinda keep in mind. Every Agent is like, it’s not like a day that you reached the top of the mountain. I can still remember selling kind of always being like aware of what’s happening. Like I can still remember very clearly the day that I created certain aspects of the system that like you use Amy and that I teach in Agent grad school specifically. There was this time when I had been pretty confident about my, my process, but then I had like three clients in a row who like canceled their initial consultation or it just wasn’t true or something. Wasn’t the initial consultation didn’t go well. And so I was like, Oh, if something doesn’t feel right here. Right. But instead of like, you know, abandoning ship, I that’s, when I came up with and Amy you’re well aware of this piece, the thought’s to dwell on, you know, that piece in the process is, is as a direct result of like, something’s not right here. And so I think something that’s important for all agents. And I think Amy, you’re a great representation of this and your business is not like you don’t like just cause you know, you got clients doesn’t mean like it’s always constantly solved. It’s constantly surveying and looking at what is happening, why are the results changing? And what do I need to put in place to make sure that this doesn’t keep happening again? And it was out of that and, and having that level of confidence that like this works, but it’s not working right now. It doesn’t mean like I had to abandon ship and change everything. It’s like, I just need this one little piece. And it was because of that, like noticing, even though at the time I was already making a million dollars a year, I already had a brokerage, like everything was perfect and working great, but it was like this like tiny little uncomfortableness that was happening in the initial consultation. And that is the day that the thought’s to dwell on which I give inside of Agent Grad School that’s the day was boring and having the confidence to be like, I can, I can, I can smooth this out. I’ve seen this before. And the only reason I was able to do that is because every single failure I was looking at like, okay, I have, I have to make this better. So what can I put in place to make this better? And not saying this to toot my own horn, I’m saying this because there is no top of the mountain. It is not necessarily about you. And just having gone through the process over and over again and being like, Ooh, I’m going to have to fix this issue. And then having the confidence to say, I know how to fix this issue because I’ve been through it a hundred times before I think is something that comes with experience and with time and with being willing to do everything that we’re saying, like go through that treasury of terribleness and then be able to look at it and say, what is not right here. Even though I have a very high level of confidence, I still need to put certain things in place. So I don’t know. Yeah. The giving up piece. I mean, I, I don’t know if this is the exact, exact statistic, but like, isn’t it like 98% of agents Quentin the first two years, like, it’s really hard. Eight, I’ve heard 80%, like the 80% of like turnover rate after two years. So I don’t know. I know it may change, but yeah, it’s really high. It’s super high it and I, and I think about that with you and I are just talking now, like that really is. And I think that pivot point where people are just like, I just can’t like, I just can’t, you know, do another day and this, and like, that makes sense to me that people would give up, then I’m going to be to give up or, I mean, they decide not to be agents. I mean, they’re out some people, there’s probably a lot of people that are licensed, who don’t, who are better in other careers, you know, but I do think people aren’t, I wasn’t prepared for how hard it was going to be. I think you have to agree to that. And you know, we don’t live in a society that rewards failure. Now society here rewards like success, but nobody says, but I had to fail all of these times first. I don’t know if at any one successful in this country are the world is like, yeah, I just walked in and it all just like, you know, like everything just happened, but you hear the stories enough of how difficult, how heartbreaking, how lonely, frankly. I felt I remember being cold and it’s like raining and I have like very little money in my account. And I’ve just talked to this person who is not going to buy a house for a year if they even buy one or maybe they don’t let you know, I felt it went bad or, you know, and I remember this evenings that, that sense of isolation and loneliness like, wow, like, am I ever going to get this? Like, am I ever get, like, how am I going to do this? And, and really it’s tough that those were tough nights, you know? And I’d run around all day and done a bunch of other stuff and, or, you know, I haven’t, or how am I gonna pay my bills next month? And you know, and all of these kinds of things and just continuing to get up and know in my, you know, and took a lot of mindset reading and like talking to people who are like, I believe in, you know, like I know, I believe in you or me believing in myself, even when I didn’t get the results, I live in a world where a result equals success and I wasn’t getting results. So then it was just so easy to say, well, I’m a failure, you know? And nobody tells you that, like this, because you aren’t getting them then does it mean they’re not going to come. Right. And I think that’s that piece that a lot of us miss a long way. And thank God I had the people around me and the process and all of these things and a willingness to keep going, because I think this is why we’re talking about this a couple of weeks ago. Like once you do get to get some clarity, or it’s not like you get to the mountaintop, but you get pretty close. You’re like, Oh yeah, that was all worth it. You know, it’s like making that, you’re like standing on top of that fire that I have yet to climb. Right. But like, you get to a point of confidence where you were like, Oh, I see why all this. Okay. It’s all making sense to me. Right? Like after all those years of like struggle and, and, and loneliness and all of these things, like you get to a point where you’re like, I see the value that I have. I see the financial success. If you see my client’s success is all coming together. I’m feeling very confident and it’s such an awesome, like, it’s such an awesome feeling that sometimes I’m like, Oh, I miss those days when I was really struggling. It’s so funny. I didn’t know all the time, like success is boring. It’s figuring out how to be successful. That’s exciting. You know, I know all the time that I thought it wasn’t going to make out all the time that I was like two days before paying my mortgage, you know, like all of the times that, you know, I’m in this business, people walk away from you and you’ve done. You and I were talking about that before. I’ve done plenty of work and made no money because someone’s decided to do something different and all of that stuff and having two. But you get to this point of where, you know what, you know, and that confidence is deep down and it can’t, it’s like, you’re like, Lord, you’re like, what do you want to call it? Like, attached? Like, it can’t like, you’re like a tree. Like, is it you can’t really like it’s in the now. And I don’t know that it can come back out, like for this part of my journey. I’m sure there is a lot of other things I’m not confident that, that I’m continuing to grow. Like you said, but like this part of that journey that was like that breadth of like, Oh, okay. You know, you know, I believe in myself and I believe in these processes and I did this hard work. And I, as I tell my friend, I walked into the propeller, you know, and like get chewed up. And then I walked back in and got chewed up. And then I walked in and didn’t chew me up. You know, it’s like this process, but it is not a journey for the faint of heart, I would say. Yeah. I think being a real estate agent is an emotional roller coaster over and over and over again. And part of what I feel like is emotional is that feeling of confidence is that losing competence, gaining confidence, losing, and it’s like over and over and over again. And ultimately, I think the reason I wanted to have this conversation with you about confidence is because I have seen you evolve in your confidence evolve over the last 10 years that I’ve known you and it keeps soaring and soaring. And every time I see, for example, like last year, you were less confident about, you know, your listing process. Now you’re completely confident about it. And I think, and correct me if I’m wrong, but like, it comes from failure and messing up and pick yourself up. But it also comes from having a process that you can rely on and point to and say, this is how I work. This is how you know, and, and, and, and there is a confidence that comes from that. Like, I think a lot of real estate agents are just like thrown to the wolves. Like there isn’t a step-by-step process for them to follow, to create a business and having a process or having a listing agreement, what happens after the listing agreement and then using that process to get clients, I think also helps with having confidence that you’re not grabbing it, nothing you’re grabbing at something that’s like, Oh, here’s the process that I know I’m supposed to talk about. Here’s the process that I’m supposed to follow? I think that’s like, for me, at least that was like my lifesaver or when I was creating the process that I teach that saved me because I had that. And I don’t know, that’s just kind of that one piece of confidence is having something to grab when you’re feeling that you’re flailing, what is it going to be for you? Or, you know, you had to have something to grab on to the process piece is huge. And it’s like doing it over and over and over and seeing success, you know, and, or sometimes success and bumps along the way. And then you adjust and you change, but you’re in, and the confidence was the great thing about confidence to it. And we’re having this conversation, not for like to Pat ourselves on the back and be like, look how confident we are now. You know, like the conversation is really, once I, as that confidence build, there’s so much more I can do to help my clients. And that creates all this clarity that wasn’t there before. And you start to get really, I started to get really clear about how I can help people and how I can. And I became very what I was stuck a few years ago on. And I feel like I’ve gotten better at, is people will come to me with different things like, Hey, do you know, do you, do you want to sell a house in like a Rockville, Maryland that my friends has? And I’ll be like, no, I know that’s really not my area of expertise. Look comfortable saying that because I know what my process is and where I can be helpful. And in the past, well, you know, the real estate no-no is like never turn down business. Right. And I couldn’t turn down business before. And sometimes that really left me exhausted and scattered and not really like giving my best focusing on where I’m best. And so, like the great thing is I get really clear about who I’m Beth, who can, who can I help best, right. And how can I spend my time best helping them and not being confused about what my value proposition is. You know, I have this process and I’ve honed it. And I’m like, this is what I know. This is, this is where I’m at. This is where I’m good. This is how it can help people. So the competence is like, this is about you growing your business and being successful and financially independent. But it’s also about like how, how do you help more people and truly, truly help them because we all have different skills that we’re really good at, you know? And if we’re trying to do it at all, it’s just for one person, we can’t possibly be everything to everybody, but I always was like, well, that’s what I’m going to do. And to be everything to everybody and so refreshing and freeing to be like, no, this is really how I can best serve this community. Like, and this is where I’m going to spend my time and you can just let all of the other stuff go. Like, I call it like this, this chorus of talking to yourself. Well, if you can go here or you can do this, you might do that. Or maybe I should go there and watch and turn that down. And just everything kind of like pulls away and you get the, the last part of the conversation I’m going to have is like, what changes you made in your business? And that I can share mine. Like you think about what changes you’ve made, but for me, the most satisfying part of getting over that hump of failure and building, or confidence every step, the way is that creating a more confidence for me. So I could stand, like you say, competently, and how do I help, how I helped them and who I’m the best at serving. And it was so I don’t know what the right word it, or even build more confidence when I was able to stand in that and say, one at a big developer came to me and said, I want to hire you. This happens several times. I wanna hire you to do, bought, to sell all of the properties at this building, but I want you to become an one of my employees. I happened to meet twice and B to be able to say no, and here’s why, and stand and confidently just made me feel even more confidence about what I was doing or what I was creating and who I could help. And my mission really ’cause at the end of the day, it came down to like what my mission was and being able to help more people that, that, like I could help with the skills that I had at the time. And so I was starting to say no way to so many more things, which then created, like, it just was less exhausting. I felt like you said less scattered. I knew exactly with clarity, what I wanted to do, how I wanted to do it, who I wanted to do it with. And it just made life so much easier because that can make very quick decisions. Like my favorite thing was like being able to talk to like, when people would call and say, do you need leads? And we have a referral program. I still get calls every single day from all sorts of places. And when I was able to confidently say, no, I don’t need actually leave. I actually have way too many leads to handle and being, you know, like take me off your list. That level of confidence is where you will get once you’re willing to go through the ups and downs to get there. And so the reason I share that again is not to say, look at me, I’m so great. It’s literally be willing to go through that messy murky stuff, because that’s the only way you’re going to gain confidence. So that’s the only way that you’re going to get to this point where you can say no to things and feel good about it. And I think that’s like, to me, the biggest reward down the line, I don’t know about you. What did you, what changes did you make in your business when you got to kind of finally feeling like you’ve had that confidence, that you didn’t have for so long? I mean, you know, again, working all of these processes and repeating them over and over and over, and then tweaking things where they need it to be tweaked, right. If something didn’t work, then like I’ve created a couple of documents from things where I’ve had to be responsible for something I wasn’t responsible for. Right. Provided a cleaner to someone. And they said, Oh, we didn’t do it. You know, create like creating documents and things like that. There’s just things along the way that I’ve learned to make better, but the core of the business and my, what my offering is I repeat it over and over and over. And so I feel really confident about that. So I want to have these phone calls, or I have these zoom calls, or I’m in someone’s home. I feel extremely confident talking about what I have to offer them and how the process will work from beginning to end. Like, I don’t feel uncomfortable at all. I feel very confident that I can give them when I’m telling them I’m going to give them. I didn’t always feel that way. Right. Like sometimes I would say, I can do these things that in my mind, I’m like, I don’t know, can I do it? And usually I could, right. Or it would work out, but now I don’t have that. Doubt and when you can let go of doubt and you can walk in with confidence, it’s so much nicer. It’s just like such a great feeling. And when, when you’re getting clients referred to you and you don’t have to pay for them, or like, we’d be, like you said, these referrals coming to you. I look at other people’s businesses that are like my peers and things, and people who’ve been through similar training. And I’m so glad I didn’t take this shortcut. Right. Because taking a shortcut, you’re always chasing business. I think in a way that’s different than building or having a business, right. Chasing is different than an established business that’s coming to you. And I think you have to do all that hard work to not have to start shape, to constantly chase business. So that’s the truth. It really is. And I think that’s part of that confidence in that I feel after these 10 years of like, wow, some days, it just seems to like so much at work, you know, and the results were like compared to the amount of input output. It was like amazingly a lot, but now it’s tilting, it’s tilting, right? The output is not nearly as difficult because I did all of that stuff over and over and over and over and made myself comfortable and made mistakes. And that I stuck to the process and I stuck to my core beliefs. And I, so for, for me, one of the greatest gifts, like you said, is that I don’t have to chase business. Like I see people doing, you know, randomly warm bodies to, that’s not the business I ever wanted. It’s not the business that you had. And I liked the business that you had, which was a relationship established business and a real value exchange. I didn’t want to transactional real estate business or not saying when people do that in there very successful. It just doesn’t want to. I wanted, yeah. Same for the same with MI. Yeah. So if you’re looking for a process that you can follow and not have overnight success that you’re actually building, or they may be, and I both said like, it is not easy. The process is something that you can learn, but you actually have to go through and fail over and over and over again, if you’re looking to, to have a process that you can kind of grab on to when you need it, if you’re looking to build a business where you don’t have to chase clients, that you have clients coming to you and you’re willing to put in the work to get there, then age of grad school was for you. So please, you know, Amy and I both, you know, I’ve created the process that Amy, that Amy used along the way. And she said that she’s changed it to fit her and honed it in to her. And so over the years, so if that interests you then go to Agent, Grad School dot com. Learn more about the process that, that I teach and that can help you create a business like this. So thank you so much for being here and sharing what are some times with some of the really embarrassing part, but I feel like not a lot of people are willing to talk about, I feel like people are willing to talk about how successful they are, but I don’t know. I feel like I want to talk about the path to getting There, which is terrible. And just normalizing that other agents that like, it’s not about being something you’re not, its like, you know, you’re going to have to go through the landmines, have terrible feelings of not feeling confident and failing over and over again. And I just feel like You so beautifully use the process, but it’s not just the process. It’s your willingness to, I don’t know, fail and keep getting back up. And now you’re at the point where, you know, you don’t even need me anymore. And that makes me sad, but I’m happy for you. It’s not like an hour talking about something with my business before, so I appreciate the sentiment, but you, you know, like you were saying, and I think we always talk about elevating this, the industry of real estate, right. Elevating it to a higher level. And I think that this is part of that elevation. Like let’s, let’s all help each other. Like let’s be honest about our struggles in our process and not everybody has the same process and struggles, but like a lot of people do and you know, it’s like, this is How, this is how we can help each other. We can help each other in other ways. But like for me feeling very isolated and lonely, like didn’t help me get to be a better agent. You know what I mean? It’s like, so if I can make somebody else feel who might be listening to this, like, gosh, I’m getting in my car and it’s raining and I just, I’m a failure. Like your not, you know, you’re not a failure. You’re just that day is not giving you the results that you want that day. But there’s another day coming, you know? And then another day, another day. Yeah. And if we can just be more, I feel like more supportive when we’re going to the journey with you to exactly. It seems like a lot of times it’s like, well, the value is placed on whoever’s the makes the most money that has the most clients. Right? Exactly. It’s like, so it’s like, well here’s the person that is like the most successful and yes, we all want to learn from everyone, including you and everyone who’s successful. But like, but like, I feel like you, you said that people skip that part of the journey or are they kind of over like blow it? Like I was living out of my car and now I live in a mastermind and you know, kind of, it’s like probably most of our experiences or not like that, you know, there are a little more in between. Right? And so I think the more we can share with each other about like how tough it is, but like if we have processes and we want to do what you have, so awesomely taught me, like, there’s a way to get the business you want. So thank you for having me. Thank you, Amy. Thank you for sharing your story. And my hope is that somebody who is like you five to 10 years ago, remember that like you also we’re alone and sad in a dark and it’s raining and maybe they’re sitting in their car listening to this at that moment. And I just want you to think like, this is not going to be like this forever and just keep going and pick yourself back up and your prom, maybe you’re going to bomb the meeting. You’re about to walk into, but like Amy said, there’s tomorrow and another client. So thank you that you, that you have so much Amy for helping people who are a few steps behind you. And it’s just been such an honor to see you continually build the confidence, build your business and you keep soaring higher and higher and higher am so honored to be watching you all this time. So thank you for being here. Thank you so much for listening to today’s episode. Remember change happens when you take action. So apply what you learned today to your own real estate business. If this episode has helped you subscribe, leave a review and share it with all your real estate agent friends, and as always, if you want even more great resources to create the real estate business you’ve always wanted and to have the life you want outside your business to head over to Agent Grad School dot com and sign up for the free weekly trainings, you’ll get free classes and discounts and other goodies that only go out to real estate agents on that email list. See you next week right here on Confessions of a Top Producing Real Estate Agent The Agent Grad School Podcast

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